A greatful but sad heart

It’s my birthday and I sit in a quiet house, Linda off to the last day of school, the girls (who are home !)are sleeping quietly, Cheese-it (my cat) is curled up on my lap and I just took the lastsip of morning coffee. It rained last night for the first time in many days and the air is cool. I just visited Tom’s website and found a surprise waiting for me; Aeden posted snippets of an old album of Tom and Gwen’s and I listened curiously …..what a lovely gift for my birthday, Tom songs I’ve never heard before. I am grateful…..thank you Aeden.
I arrived home from Anacortes last night and was filled with gratitude for being here and the many blessings surrounding me. As the evening lengthened I took my guitar, so rarely played these days and sat outside and sang a little bit. I was feeling so emotional…… I don’t think I made it through a single song. I kept thinking of Tom and my eyes would fill with tears and my heart ached. I haven’t done much crying in a long time and I could tell as I felt the tears well up inside me. Each song had a memory or two or three with it and I would choke up part way through it. …..I am grateful beyond words for those memories; I hope I will never forget them…... I am a very lucky man.
My love goes out to all of you who are likely going through the same kind of things as we approach the first anniversary of Tom’s passing. It’s been a long year.

I happened to stumble here tonight and see it looks pretty quiet.....guess I could say hello anyhow. Just a few days from now and Hannah will be a real certified teacher! Imagine that! Our little girl has really grown up; she was 9 years old at our first Camp and now she has become a teacher herself....wow! It's kind of mind boggling really. I wonder if she would have still been a teacher without camp........ guess we'll never know.

It's been a crazy month for us once again. We had dropped my Mom off at cardiac rehab and when we arrived back there was an aid car outside and I got a big knot in my stomach. When I got inside she was laying on the floor while the EMT's helped her. Apparently she had been feeling feint and began vomiting blood when they called the aid car. Kind of ironic that it happened in a wing of the hospital yet they still had to load her in and take her to the emergency room. It turns out she had developed a thing called a Mallory-Weiss tear between her esophagus and stomach. Apparently it happened because she coughed so hard during a bout with bronchitis in March. The next week wasn't much fun and we weren't sure she was going to make it a few times. Tough as she is Dottie pulled through and is slowly regaining strength. Then last week we found a huge water bill in the mail and realized we have a leak in our water system which could cost up to $1000 just to find the leak.We have a really long driveway....now we have to decide whether to replace the whole line or just try to repair it. The water company said systems that are the age of ours often develop leaks so we have one more thing to decide.

It seems like one thing after another here and I am hoping things will calm down (I said that earlier too). We are looking for someone to live up here in Anacortes for part of the summer as we are going to Hawaii for a month, and maybe an extra week to boot. It's been 4 years since we have been there and we're all excited. I haven't told my folks yet as I know it's going to stress them out but I know I need a break and Linda surely needs some time to kick back.She is finding herself working too much(again) and is having a stressful year even without the heart attack.
I wish I knew how to slow her down. So there we have it, a brief rundown on a part of our life. I hope yours is going smoother than ours. My love to you all, Dale

February Reflections

Nearing the end of Febraury here as I look out upon the gray clouds and wind and whitecaps on Fidalgo Bay. I have been staying up in Anacortes with my folks during the week to help them out and I am usually the first one up here. Funny things these mornings aren't they? Each day I wake up to a new reality and in my case a new place, a new chance to spend a day and even to create the reality I experience......it seems easier to see without the cloud of thinking in the early mornings. Maybe that's why I so loved spending the early mornings of camp with Tom; a time when the mind is a bit more open and less clouded by the events of the day, before I get caught up in the drama of life. Then my Dad wakes up and blows it all away when he turns on the TV with the blast of sound.

  I haven't logged in to this site in such a long time. Camp seems like a distant dream to me this morning...I have to consciously bring it back into my minds eye and even then, the image is hazy. After the transition of last year, a chance for it to be born anew, I wonder if  I will remain connected?  My life seems so different these days. Hannah graduates in March, Mariah will have finished her first year of college and living away from home, Linda survived a heart attack, my Dad survived lung cancer, my second Mom survived a heart attack and now life unfolds before me. What's next? Don't know......it seems to be my mantra these days.

I happened upon this site this morning and having read several of Rachel Naomi Remen's books over the years  I enjoyed this piece. An exert....   

"According to the Buddhist understanding of auspicious coincidence, all circumstances can be brought to the spiritual path. Everything that happens in our lives, whether positive or negative, can serve to awaken us to the nature of the world. But occasionally, events cluster in particular ways that give us a glimpse of the deeper structures of reality, and suggest that time and linear causality may not be the ultimate way in which the world is ordered.  " It seemed to hit home for me so here is a link if you are interested.

http://www.rachelremen.com/thoughts.html

Well I best get up and begin moving. It is good to think of you all and I send along my greetings and best wishes for a good day. Gratefully yours, Dale

Not another one

Well, life is always changing yes? I took my step Mom Dottie into the ER this morning with what looks like a heart attack.Can you believe it? They sent her up to Bellingham an hour away which has a good cardiac dept so hopefully she will be okay. Her son is now with her and I am with my Dad at home. He's pretty upset and I think it's best to keep him here for now....we'll see. Prayers are gratefully accepted for Dottie these next few hours and days. I could use some for strength and fortitude right now myself.

Good news!

Linda passed her National Boards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't describe just how happy she was upon getting the scores; I was worried she was going to have another heart attack from the extreme joy. The universe has taken a strange course for us all and with everything else I am so grateful to have that load taken off her back..so strange asI think the National Boards was a big contributing factor with her heart attack. I know she will rest easier with those now behind her. (not to brag or anything but she got a perfect 4 on one of the parts!)

Four weeks ago to the heart attack day and it seems a blur of experiences to this point. My step Mom now has moved ahead with the separation and my Dad is so sad about it all. Twenty two years since they were married and now it all is washed away. I have found a terrific senior community but the timing is not quite right yet so we're going to alternate time in Anacortes and home. Dottie basically wants nothing to do with my Dad any more so when she is not at her son's we'll be in Anacortes and then he can come home with me for the rest of the week. Boy oh boy are we ever getting the chance to work on mindfulness and patience.

Our thanks to everyone for your kind thoughts and prayers. Through all the challenges just knowing our Camp Family is there brings great comfort.My love to you all, Dale

Bad News

I just wanted to let everyone know about Linda. She was doing a presentation to the staff at her school when she suddenly felt a pain in her chest and broke out in a sweat. Thy called 911 and the aid car rushed her to the hospital which fortunately was only 5 minutes away. It turns out that she was having a heart attack.It sounds so wierd to say that! They performed an angioplasty and got the blood flowing again and it looks like she is going to be ok. It's a miracle that I was home taking care of Mariah. I hate to think what might have happened should she have been home alone. I guess this is a big wake up call and a chance to take a look our lives. The doctor said stress may have played a part in this and it doesn't surprise me. She has been working way too hard the last several years so hopefully she can take some time off to recover. I figured you would all want to know what was going on....I'll keep you posted.

What to say.....

My greetings and hugs to all. I hope your October is giving way to many moments of 'keeping it going'. It surely has been a challenge in my life of late. I sat on the couch with my folks (I'm up in Anacortes 3-4 days a week) watching the debate and tried my best to be calm and loving in my experience but it was just too hard. I ended up listening to the recording of Many a Mile to give me some ground and it surely helped. It all seemed so surreal; with all the troubles in the world we are electing our leader in such a bizarre way;name calling, sound bites and mean spirited campaigns. Is this world truly a real place? I've been asking that question a lot lately...it just seems so weird and strange. I've been watching Linda this first month of school and it just doesn't make any sense. She is an awesome teacher, well read, smart, kind, understanding, patient, knowledgeable. She has nearly 27 years experience and one would think that the best way to utilize her talents would be to have her spending her time in teaching children. Yet so much of her day is spent in doing everything but teach. Her teaching partner of many many years has been shifted out to another school half the day, which also uses up a great deal of both of their time. Though the results of the schools tests didn't give them a passing score(given the fact that they have the largest ELL population in the district) the district is taking away a big part of their tools in trying to help these kids. I just don't get it! Add one more thing to a long list of things I just don't understand.
It is such a strange experience to sit and listen to Tom and Richard sing on their CD. With the amazing recordings that Richard put together it really is just like having them sitting on the couch beside me.It seems SO REAL! Some of the most heart opening experiences I've had in this life have been singing with those two and all of you....there is still a part of me that just cannot believe that Tom is really gone. I still feel his presence so strongly in my life at times like these. I can hear his voice rooting for his candidate. I wish he would have had the opportunity to see some of the amazing changes we will be seeing. He would have gotten so excited! I guess that's up to us now.This gift of life truly is a great blessing. So many opportunities to do the best we can and use the gifts of music to lift our world a little bit higher. May your October unfold with many moments of peace and clarity. Gratefully yours, Dale