I look ahead 35 years and I see myself being 85 and my whole perspective on the years I may or may not have ahead changes. It doesn't seem like a particularly long time. It does seem to be an awsome responsibility.Keeping it going is not so easy as simply repeating the phrase or putting it on a t-shirt or button. Of late I have no idea what it is.....complicated thing this gift of life is. How do I find meaning in the daily grind of earning money all day and coming home so tired and ill-equipped? I guess there is no easy answer. I do know that part of the answer lies here in our community of family and friends.Encouragement, prayers, positive thoughts, threads of love that travel about the world and merge. I do know that there are many of you I think of often and hold you in my heart. I often stop when I am outside and look up to the north where the Hunters reside and lift my coffee in blessing of Tom and his family. I hope that I will always be able to feel this connection. I don't want to foget.
Last night as I sat alone in the quiet of my parents house(they go to sleep early) I found this Rumi poem about aging that seemed appropriate.
Old Age
Why does a date-palm lose its leaves in autumn?
Why does every beautiful face grow in old age?
Wrinkled like the back of a Libyan lizard?
Why does a full head of hair get bald?
Why is the tall, straight figure
That divided the ranks like a spear
Now bent almost double?
Why is it that the
Lion's strength weakens to nothing?
The wrestler who could hold anyone down
Is led out with two people supporting him,
Their shoulders under his arms?
God answers, "They put on borrowed robes
And pretended they were theirs.
I take the beautiful clothes back,
So that you will learn the robe
Of appearance is only a loan."
Your lamp was lit from another lamp.
All God wants is your gratitude for that.
Posts
10 comments:
Dale,
How is your father? What is the news?
I realized this morning (Friday) that it was 2 years ago this day that I was diagnosed with cancer - truly a bizarre day in my history. Thankfully, this anniversary is nothing like that day at all. I hope you have all you need, come what may.....
As far as what "It" is that needs to be kept going.... For me, "It" is both a large and complex thing that cramps my brain at times, as well as a small, quiet, and rather simple concept that brings me great peace and clarity. I find that the big "It" has to do with how I view my educational practices and morals, personal ethics, faith, identity as world citizen, and ego.
The smaller, quieter "It" is found in my relationships with others..... It is how I pass a stranger on the sidewalk. It is the honesty and compassion I feel for my children and those I love dearly. It's part of when I decide to talk and when I decide to stop talking. It's in how I am challenging myself to listen differently to others. Call me crazy, but I am even finding "it" influencing my decision making process over whether to keep or not keep the 4 baby bunnies that Gwen brought by for the children to "borrow" (presumably until their mother caved and let them keep them??? You have heard about the bunny that showed up in the Hunter yard during Tom's illness? Well, what they say about rabbits is true. Anyone want a bunny or 5??)
It also has a lot to do with hope and grace.
I think that line in the poem about our lamp being lit by the lamp of others is how "It" keeps going. Looking for how our lamps are lit, and lighting others' lamps as we go about our lives.
Here's a smaller "It"
We'll Pass Them On
(Sally Rogers)
When you're gone (who will sing?)
When you're gone (who will sing?)
When you're gone, who will sing your songs?
You have planted the simple seeds of singing in our hearts
And we'll sing them with each other as we pass them on.
When we're gone (who will sing?)
When we're gone (who will sing?)
When we're gone, who will sing our songs?
We will plant the simple seed of singing in the world
And we'll sing them with the children who will pass them on.
When they're gone (who will sing?)
When they're gone (who will sing?)
When they're gone who will sing their songs?
They'll plant the simple seeds of singing on the wind
And the children of the future, they will pass them on.
I've been listening to this song a lot lately......
Happy Birthday Billie!!!!! I am so glad you are a part of our world. It’s reassuring to check in and find other voices waiting. Thank you all for your postings! I’m listening to Nancy Griffith on an appropriately named disk, ‘Other Voices, Other Rooms’. It’s funny but when you mentioned Sally Rogers, Meril, I thought the name sounded familiar. Then I realized that we used to listen to her when Hannah was very little….I think the album was called Circle of the Sun or something like that and every time she heard that song she would hold up her hands and turn around in circles… I can still see our cute little daughter dancing around the living room. I love when the threads of life cross each other at moments like that.
My Dad went in for the PET scan and now, again we play the waiting game, this time until Monday’s oncologist meeting. Its weird but it feels like we’ve been waiting for months. All the testing started 3 months ago, one test leading to another, to another, to another. I think we’re all holding our breath on this one. Until then I have 2 days to try and get the deck pressure washed. Linda has been staining the parts I cleaned several days ago and she goes back to work in one more week so we’ve got to stay busy…we have a large deck and it seems to go on and on and on (I’m resisting the urge to keep going with the ‘on and on’ part). I’m headed outside to pick a few blueberries for my oatmeal and then on to my friend the pressure washer. My love travels out to you all with each breath of this lovely summer morning, Dale
Well, we had the meeting with my Dad’s oncologist and the prognosis wasn’t too good. It would take a needle biopsy to be certain but it looks like lung cancer. Now come the difficult choices of what to do next; to get the needle biopsy which holds the possibility of a collapsed lung or infection- or not, fight the cancer -or not. At 85 the choices are much different than those of a younger person. I’ve been doing a lot of research on the internet and my head is swimming with information. My Dad gets confused about the simplest things so I don’t know how he is going to figure this one out. I must be careful about what I say and work on remembering that what I think I might do in his situation may not be what my father wants to do.
With Tom’s recent departure and now this, I feel like I am walking through a dream at times. Mariah and Hannah are leaving soon, bringing even more change. Time and space, past, present and future, all these big questions floating around in my head as I go on my daily walks here in Anacortes. I think of the Hunters and imagine the questions they must be asking themselves at this time and marvel at the mysteries of what it means to have the gift of a human life. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like much of a gift and yet other times my heart overflows with the wonder and magic of this same gift. Then I realize that there is no way to understand it all and simply surrender to it and accept that there is a right and perfect order to it all, whatever it may be called.
What this all has to do with NWTC? I’m not sure if this blog is the place for my ramblings or not. It seems to me like we are all just a bunch of people who love kids and families and learning and music and that this is simply a place for us to connect as we make our way along the journey of life, each one so different yet so much the same. I appreciate knowing there are others in the world going through the same trials and tribulations as I am and that in itself is enough for me.
Dale, dearheart,
This is exactly the very right place to be sharing. While you're walking a very difficult path, it helps to know that you're not alone. No one has the same path, but certainly they cross over very similar terrain at times, and it is reassuring to know that others have gone before, maybe smoothed the way, and are willing to lend you a hand or shoulder should you need it.
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. It isn't easy to make these decisions for our loved ones. My dad is 81, has very advanced emphysema, and is on oxygen around the clock now. We had a lung cancer scare a year and a half ago, huge heart challenges this time last year and he's going in for surgery on his prostrate on Tuesday. Because of his lung condition, he can't have general anesthetic, so they're doing a spinal and local freezing. It's so hard to support our loved ones, when, as you say, our choice might not be the one they'd make. All we can do is trust ourselves, trust that we do have some insight into our loved ones and do the best we can. No one can ask for more than that.
I've been reading and not posting to this blog - I've felt like I've had to build such a wall around myself to contain everything I've been feeling and experiencing, that if I start to write, or talk, it will all burst forth in such a wild jumble I'll never get it straightened out. That being said, I find it immensely reassuring to know that this is here, that my camp friends are here. I love to read and experience vicariously what others are willing to share - some of it is very deep and profound, some entertaining, some inspiring and some makes me think long and hard. I will get myself to a place where I write more - and then it'll be hard to rein me in! Thank you, Dale, for providing us with this new space to be together, to heal and grow together. And thanks to everyone else for being open and willing to share as well...its all part of keeping it going.
I have some thoughts on the tape tree idea as well...I'll let you know when they're a bit more fleshed out!
Love to you all,
Cori
Dear Dale and all~ I am so sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis and your dad's health Cori, and Robin's dad's death and on it goes. It seems we are at that stage of life where facing the loss of people we hold dear is becoming more and more of a reality...and frankly...it sucks! I keep thinking of what Tom often said about the alternative though...not being so involved, keeping our distance, not loving so deeply? Most of these are not viable options for us and so...the price we pay is sorrow and pain and real grief at the prospect of severing those connections.I agree with Cori that this is very likely the best place to share these feelings and musings because the people who are part of this community are not just teachers but rather we are human beings first and our connections to one another run much deeper than merely sharing a profession I think.
I am typing this in a hotel room in Phoenix and I have just said goodbye to Jenna (my "baby girl") before I fly home to Wisconsin and leave her here so far away.My sadness is of a different nature but feels very full and real as if i am grieving the end of our family as we knew it...I know she'll be home to visit and it is time for her to go and she seems so ready but my heart is screaming for her to stay and yet it's not my choice to make. i am incredibly proud of her (and her other sisters who are also moving away this week, in opposite directions!) but still I will miss her so and I think its human nature to think first about our own emotions and our reactions to choices that affect us,even when we don't get to make those choices! I am very grateful for this space to share real feelings with people who i love and respect so thanks agin Dale, Cori and all who make time to post here. Love, Billie
It's amazing, isn't it, the connections we all have here. We've all experienced the sadness of losing our dear friend, Tom, whom I miss so much already and many of us have others close to us who have gone. Sherry Medel's mom passed away while we were at camp and just this last week, another camper,(Darlene Upham) lost her mom to brain cancer. While on some level it seems morose to keep bringing up these losses it also seems like this group offers the support we all need.
That being said I wanted to mention what the beginning of school was like in Nipomo. Teachers were back to school last week. Our school is a low performing school entering our second year as a "Program Improvement" school. Our principal, Ron Walton, has his job on the line. The first morning for teachers was in inservice day and I bet we were the ONLY school in the district that spent the first 2 hours talking about our school culture. Although we can't avoid talking about test scores and teaching strategies our leader understands that our number one priority is to be there for our kids. He read a few of Tom's essays, reflected upon the poems The Fire and The Pastor that Tom presented at different camps and talked about making sure that our kids feel welcomed and cared for. THEN we can talk about instruction. He offered a few quotes from his own sources essentially saying that we need to touch the hearts of children before we can get to their minds. I feel so lucky to have an administrator who has been to camp many times and gets "it". The day before school he was painting a banner that said, "Welcome Tigers, we've been waiting for you!" He didn't ask someone else to make it, he was painting on Saturday morning! Inside our cafeteria is a banner he also painted that says, "We're glad you're here!" We have 475 kids at our school who are going to continue to have Tom's influence.
I'm so grateful that we have a place to communicate with each other. When I read your posts I can hear your voices and it gives me a little boost!
Keep it Going!
Debbie
Dear Dale~ I am so glad to hear that the news was good about your father!Even when our loved ones are old or in fragile health, who wouldn't be thankful for the gift of more time...I often think about what a blessing those weeks with Tom were for his family-time to tell him how very much he was loved , time to make a few more precious memories, time to say goodbye. I lost my dad suddenly when he was 48, and 30 years later, I still think of things I wish I could have said or things I wish we could have done but we just had no clue that our time was finite...
I wish I were more skilled at living like that-so aware that now is all we really have. Instead I worry about the future or try to hold onto the past-neither of which does me a bit of good! Pam Sinnett gave me a wonderful little gift for my birthday that says "Be happy with this moment...this moment is your life"...I have it hanging on my front door and look at it several times a day to remind myself of this gift called the present...to remind me not to squander it wishing for days gone by or "looking up around the bend".
You are a wise bunch of people, you camp folk and your collective wisdom has helped sustain me this past few weeks as I send my 3 daughters off into the world...although I am grieving that our family, as we have known it, will never be quite the same...you are helping me to see the "what else is also true" part...that we are entering into a new stage that will have it's own beauty and rewards. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience with me-it is making all the difference! I hope that by sharing both your worries and your joy Dale, that you too are feeling not quite so alone and overwhelmed by all this change. I hope all of you are having a smooth reentry to your school year! Love, Billie
Strangest thing happened yesterday. We took Dad in for his needle biopsy to find what kind of cancer he had. They ended up telling him that the CAT scan looked like the "thing" was shrinking and they didn't need to take a biopsy. We were all overjoyed yet shocked. We still don't know what's going on, so we wait expectantly till the doctor appointment on Monday. Weird....we had all these scenarios worked out in our minds and they all changed in an instant. Thanks for all your kind words, love and prayers. We all appreciate them.
That's such good news, Dale!
We rejoice!
Debbie
Sitting here in the dark at my Dad's house, quiet and still, looking out at the lights of Anacortes and enjoying the view.
I went to the library today and had a wierd experience of catching a glance of someone who for a minute looked just like Tom and it was so wierd. It seemed like he was going to come right over and say hello....seemed so real that it gave me goosebumps.
Another trip to the doctor today and it was so different from the last visit just a few weeks ago when it was recommended to call in and arrange for hospice care. Turns out to be a good thing we didn't. It makes me realize how easily life can change..... in a heartbeat. One moment all is well and the next someone pulls out the rug and everyting changes. What a precious thing these minutes are, even if they are those where tears are dripping down my cheek.I am listening to Tom and Richard singing together as I write and the tears are surely dripping. I miss him so and hearing him on the recording opens my heart once more.How can he really be gone? My world needs Tom Hunter in it and it still feels so wrong without him.Life sure takes a lot of letting go.
My love to you all this September night, Dale
Post a Comment